sofia’s shitposts

gilbertbielschmidt

seduce me with ur history knowledge

simaraknows

vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft

danray002

During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemies’ eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vlad’s eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vlad’s soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the “Dracula can change into a bat” thing came from.

asexualmagneto

raphael, the renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death

sirl33te

during the Ottoman Empire, the Sultan Ibrahim I had 280 of his concubines drowned in the ocean after ONE of them slept with another man.

thing-for-ferryboats

The earths carbon levels fell by 700 million tons because Genghis Khan killed so many people

stitch-n-time

King James (the one known for revising the Bible) liked to watch women give birth. That’s where the “tradition” of women laying on their backs to give birth comes from.

Previous to that it was common for women to have chairs with holes in them and straw underneath, so they could sit on this special chair and let gravity help with the birthing process.

kanthia

Spicy foods were thought to increase libido and cause children to masturbate. To prevent kids from touching themselves at night, a man named Kellogg invented the blandest combination of cereals, marketed it at kids, and called it Corn Flakes

james-wessley

At the Battle of Gettysburg during the American Civil War, a small group of Union soldiers had run out of ammo against a large group of the Confederate Army. In a panic, the Union soldiers sprinted at them, screaming, with only bayonets drawn. The entire Confederate Army that was present turned and ran away in fear, not knowing that they had literally no ammunition.

marvxel

When the Roman Emperor Caligula went to invade Britain he stood on the coast of Gaul with his army and suddenly declared war on Neptune, God of the Sea. He had his men collect sea shells from the shore as “spoils from the Ocean”.

Oh and he appointed his horse to the senate.

i-run-a-trash-blog

During the Austro-Prussian war of 1868, Liechtenstein sent over an army of 80 people, but ended up coming back with 81 people because they befriended a guy on the other side.

castiel-knight-of-hell

People refused to send art and sculptures to be displayed at the Chicago World’s Fair because of Chicago’s history with fire. They had to fireproof the Fine Arts building to get people to agree to loan them their art. A year after the fair closed most of the grounds were destroyed by fire but the Fine Arts building survived. It’s now the Museum of Science and Industry.

naphula

The carbon emissions thing from Ghenghis Khan is not the whole story. He also planted trees wherever he conquered land because he liked trees and thought they were important. He conquered enough to make an impact on the global climate.

givemeunicorns

Radu III, brother of Vlad III( Vlad the Impaler) nearly killed Mehmed II, the future Sultan of the Ottoman’s, after Mehmed invited him up to his chambers. Radu, seemingly unaware that the offer was sexual in nature, was startled when Mehmed embraced and then tried to kiss him. Radu stabbed the prince in the leg, then ran and hid in a tree. They later became lovers, and maintained a relationship for the rest of their lives

ushistorytrash

Just googled the last one because holy shit that’s magnificent and seemed to good to be true, but not only did it actually happen, but I also learned that radu was known as “radu the beautiful”

afewreelthoughts

fun date idea: stab him in the leg

ifyouarefree

Vlad: If you liked him, why did you stab him, for fuck sake?

Radu: I fucking panicked.

linneafife

History was wild folks

k-banning-kellum

Jack Churchill, known as Mad Jack, was a British Officer during WW2. He loved hunting nazis, playing the bagpipes, and archery. He loved them so much that he did them all at the same time.

Churchill killed a nazi with a long bow in battle as well. Maybe his gun jammed, but more likely he did it because when you’re a badass you do badass shit.

He was captured multiple times and tossed in concentration camps. He escaped everytime. One of his escapes wasn’t so much an escape as just an exit. He just walked on out of there. Who the fuck going to stop him after all.

He snuck out off base one night in Italy with his claymore sword because I guess he couldn’t sleep and figured capturing 42 nazi officers with only his sword would be a good way to overcome insomnia. So he did that.

He so loved his sword that he is famous for saying no soldier is properly dressed for battle without one.

Oh - and he worked as a male model too.

bouncyirwin

This has been a rollercoaster

fadingnebula

Back when Rome was still a Republic (so a democratic form of government without an emperor and the Senate was actually in charge) they had a special hill with a big special rock at the bottom.

The purpose of this was that whenever anyone tried to threaten the democracy of the Roman republic they would throw them off the hill so that their bodies would be dashed against the rock and die. This was done even to senators that tried to fuck with the citizens etc through their position.

This was both a form of punishment of course, but was also a symbolic gesture to set a clear example, that if you try and break the people’s will, the people and land itself will break you instead.

It was a cool rock.

fadingnebula

Also, because topical, the American pledge of allegiance was made as a marketing campaign to sell flags to schools. It was literally an advertising scheme, and we just went with it

acephysicskarkat

The modern birthstone list is also a marketing campaign, incidentally; while tying gemstones to months is an old tradition, the list everyone knows about was initially put together in 1912 by American jewellers who wanted a way to shift some of their inventory, then updated a few times as demand changed.

thelockenessmonster

We need the big democracy rock back

sunspotpony

Back in YE OLD ENGLAND, they had no concept of gender or sex as we know it. They firmly believed that “men” (people with penises) were properly “cooked” in the womb, and so their genitals properly descended, and that “women” (people with vaginas) were improperly “cooked”. All were simply a different state of “the same thing.”

As a result, we have many legal records of people dressing or living as the gender opposite of what they were assigned at birth, being taken to court, and using an explanation like “aha, you see, I was riding on my horse too hard, and my genitals SCHELORPD back up into my body, but I assure you I was born a man” and “I tripped and fell, and the impact was so hard, my genitals descended, but I was born a woman, I swear.”

And the courts said “fine, but you must pick a gender and live with it for the rest of your life.”

And so that’s how for quite some time, transgender people and gay marriage were legally allowed to exist in YE OLDE ENGLAND.

alexaloraetheris

IT’S BACK AND EVEN LONGER

kittynannygaming

Aliénor d’Aquitaine (the video has sub eng) was Queen of France by her marriage with Louis VII.

She brought the fin’amor, the trobadors and a different sort of clothing at the Royal Court. They didn’t like it.
During the Second Crusade, during an argument between her and her husband (people whispered she had an affair with her uncle, Raymond de Poitiers) she threatened to have their marriage dissolved because of consanguinity.
Marriage is cancelled the 21 march 1152.

She marries Henri Plantagenêt the 18 May 1152 (yes, 8 weeks after her ‘divorce’). Henri will become Henri II of England and therefore, she will became Queen of England (and her husband King of England) the 19 December 1154.

She’s the mother of Richard I Lionheart (and John Lackland and their 6 siblings).
She plotted against her husband, making her sons rise up against Henri.
When she tried to go to the court of her first husband, she was arrested by her second husband’s men and held captive for 15 years. - It was the demand of two of their children that’s softened her imprisonment (and because Richard was being a little s… again and he was mommy’s boy). -
She paved the way for the modern maritime law
She roamed England to free Henri’s prisoners and made them take an oath to the new King Richard
She ruled in his name for almost 2 years.
She brought Richard’s future wife from Navarre to Messina.
She prevented, for a time, John to usurp his brother’s throne.
When Richard was captured, she wrote a letter to the Pope saying that she didn’t like his inertia and he better help. She got the ransom (2 years of tax revenues) and brought it herself to the Henri VI, King of Germany.
At 77 years old, after Richard’s death, she roams the west of France, make Anjou rally John, and makes John take an oath in her Duchy of Aquitaine.

theprettiestman

Notice how Shan Yu doesn’t even question it or make a comment about “BUT YOU’RE A GIRL” he just instantly goes into a “I’LL TEACH YOU TO KILL MY MEN AND STEAL MY VICTORY” rage and I think about this a lot sometimes

ruffnutthorstonthebesttwin

((Well that might have to do with the fact that he’s a Hun. Women among the Huns had higher status than their Chinese counterparts and even some of their own men. Women were free to hunt and fight along side of the men, could choose their own husbands and divorce him if she choose to. There were even records of clans being led by women leaders. So for Shan Yu Mulan is just another soldier))